Put God at the center of your marriage.

 “For me, turning my life over to God and using His power to overcome my sin and addiction was easy. The hard part was still ahead - trying to convince Amy the man behind the mask was truly saved.”

Taking off my mask and exposing the dark places of my life for Amy didn’t just burn down our marriage like a cigarette slowly smoldering. No. I took a barrel of gasoline, poured it on our relationship and used a weapons-grade flame thrower to ignite it. Whatever our marriage was before I asked God for help was completely and totally gone. It wasn’t easy and it created a lot of pain and heartache. But that’s what had to be done. I had to expose all of my darkness, admit all of my sin, come to Amy with a repentant heart. There’s no chance for trust to grow back without that.

What we also discovered is that we literally had to start our relationship over but with one major change: God was now in the middle. I think Amy and I both realized that we had grown apart over the past 6 or 7 years of our marriage. Most, if not all of it, was caused by the mask I had covering my life. I never let Amy in. I couldn’t let Amy in. I didn’t want to give up the world I had created for myself. I spent so much energy keeping those dark places hidden that I had no time or energy for anything else. I was constantly distracted trying to keep all of the stories straight in my head about what I did during the day. That fueled a constant sense of anxiety and stress. It was impossible for anyone to see that pain with my mask on. But underneath, I was obsessed with trying to justify my sinful lifestyle. That made having a deep conversation with Amy - or my kids, my family, my friends - nearly impossible. Ripping off my mask gave my mind more time to focus on re-building those critical relationships in my life - especially the one with God.

We made a commitment to put God at the center of our marriage. Going to church every week, praying together, reading the Bible together, filling up on God throughout the work week. That’s a non-negotiable for any couple looking to rebuild. 

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