I recently had an opportunity to share testimony at a Missouri House committee hearing in support of House Bill 1706. This bill would make it a felony to purchase sex in the state of Missouri, as well as use fines of those convicted to provide financial resources for victim restitution. The following is my complete testimony.
I’m grateful that the House is discussing human sex trafficking and exploitation. We have to address this epidemic in our country and educate people on what this really looks like in Missouri – not what people imagine trafficking is from a movie. But I don’t think you can talk about human trafficking without talking about the people who are creating the demand. Generally, it’s men. And it is men like me. I’m sharing my story because it is time that men take accountability for their actions.
My journey to this hearing room started back when I was 10 years old back in 1980. That’s where I was first exposed to pornography in what my friends called the Playboy Forest – a wooded area behind my elementary school that we would ride our bikes to and look at ripped up pages of Playboy magazine. My Mom also had two giant stacks of Playboy and Penthouse magazines on either side of her bed. When she would go to work, my pre-teen brain would take over and spend hours looking at that material as a way to combat the loneliness and abandonment I was experiencing as a child. What I didn’t realize was that the images I was looking at was transforming my brain. It was programming my views on love, sex, relationships. It taught me how to objectify women. From that first moment I was exposed, it took hold of my heart and wouldn’t let go, impacting nearly every relationship I had in high school. But like any addict, soon I needed stronger and stronger medication. My drug of choice was porn. And when that didn’t satisfy me, and I had access to more time and money, I started going to adult theaters and strip clubs. Finally, that led me to acting out by searching for women who were selling sex.
I visited women for the better part of my first marriage that ended in divorce. And that addiction continued into my second marriage and very nearly ruined it as well. The overwhelming majority of the women I visited were based in Missouri. However, on February 26, 2020 I was out of the state on a business trip. I made an arrangement to meet a woman at her hotel room to pay her for sex. As I was getting ready to leave her hotel room, the second bedroom door opened up and a large gentlemen walked out and showed me his cell phone. It had my wife’s contact information on the screen and he announced that I needed to pay him more money or he was going to call my wife. About $900 later, I got out of that room and went about my day.
But on March 1, 2020, they texted me again and asked for more money. When I refused, they called me wife. Honestly, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Getting my life unmasked set off a wild six weeks where I finally confessed everything – first to God and then to my wife Amy on April 14, 2020. Thanks to the forgiveness of God, and the forgiveness of Amy, I was given a chance at redemption. While Amy’s forgiveness was key to have any chance to rebuild our marriage, it did not take away any accountability and responsibility that I had to show Amy, and my family, that I was getting the help I needed to recover. And that’s what I have done. April 13, 2020 was the last day I looked at pornography and the last day I attempted to purchase sex from an exploited woman. It took a lot of work but my life and my marriage have been redeemed and restored. That’s why I am here today. I want to make sure that the men creating the demand for trafficked women are more motivated to turn away from that activity. Often, those men like me, participate in this activity from a place of pain, fueled by pornography. But again, that doesn’t take away accountability.
Accountability and responsibility in today’s culture are way too easy for people to ignore. Laws are written in ways that often lead to punishment of the victims of trafficking and exploitation. And they don’t offer enough consequences and deterrence for men who are purchasing sex. When I was acting out in the way I did, there was no fear of any legal implications of my decisions. Part of that was my addiction lying to me but a lot of times men can get arrested for solicitation, get issued a citation for a misdemeanor, likely avoid jail time, maybe go to John school for a few hours and pay a nominal fine. That’s it. While getting caught like that might scare men for a few months, it does not offer true deterrence. That’s what I’m hoping the bill being presented to the House can help generate. Men creating the demand need to face accountability just as much as the traffickers do.
The demand piece and the legal implication of buying sex is just one piece of a comprehensive solution. Putting a law in place isn’t going to magically end demand. And I do not pretend to have any new or different solutions. But in talking with victims, survivors, and other allies in this fight to end demand, here’s what I believe we need to have a discussion on:
1. Creating stronger laws and accountability for traffickers and men creating demand. That’s why I support this bill.
2. Victim restitution is absolutely paramount to any new laws being established. We need to provide resources to the women – and men – who are trying to escape a life of trafficking and exploitation. A lack of money and housing is what keeps victims from being able to break free from that life. If we are truly serious about slowing demand in Missouri, offering a way out for women needs to be the top priority.
3. Regulate pornography like you do alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. According to Polaris, pornography is the third most common form of trafficking behind escort services and illicit massage parlors. There’s also enough research and scientific data that shows the damage pornography creates in the human brain. Let’s regulate porn and treat it like a drug to ensure that minors 18 years and younger cannot access material that keeps the cycle of objectification, addiction, and demand going. I know there is other legislation being proposed in the House and I hope it does generate a conversation about what pornography is doing to the minds of our kids today and that leads to some realistic solutions that can be implemented without impacting any individual freedoms.
4. Finally, there needs to be education resources for our communities to clearly define what trafficking is, who is being trafficked, and the impact it is having on our state. Speaking from my own experience, it wasn’t until I stopped using pornography and buying sex that I realized that the women I visited were either trafficked by someone, likely a family member or boyfriend. Or I was exploiting them because they needed the money. Trafficking is not about the white van with no windows driving down the street snatching people off the sidewalk. Trafficking and exploitation are just one Google search away right on the cell phone in your pocket. I volunteer with EPIK Project and we are a bunch of guys that meet once a month on a Friday night. We put ads online – written by survivors – and when men call in looking to buy sex, they get us, And we try to educate them, help them make better decisions. Warn them that the women they are trying to buy are being trafficked. Most of the buyers – not all – but a good portion – come from a place of brokenness and loneliness. Education and mental health are key to combating demand. It’s a fight that is being waged one conversation at a time but when you combine all of these efforts – I believe we can make a difference.
I do thank you for the work you are doing, for representing the voices of your constituents, and for allowing me this opportunity to share.