Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
This past weekend was a busy one. It started Saturday morning when I joined 150 other men coming together to draw closer to Jesus during a men’s ministry breakfast at my church. I then spent the afternoon hanging out with some amazing men of faith that are battling to end human sex trafficking. On Sunday, Amy and I spent the morning serving the Lord and worshiping Jesus at church. And we ended the weekend celebrating the Kansas City Chiefs securing another Super Bowl appearance.
But in between the highs of Saturday morning and Sunday evening, there was a miserable low. I was attacked by the enemy in the form of spiritual warfare on Saturday night.
The evening started out just fine. We had an opportunity to get dressed up and attend a fundraiser for a local organization that is providing housing and resources to victims of sex trafficking. There were so many new relationships in the room that God had placed in our lives, it is truly a blessing. And we were feeling blessed to be there.
But things changed quickly after dinner. As part of the ceremony, a video was played of a sex trafficking victim sharing her testimony about how men treated her, and how this organization helped change her life.
And that’s when I heard the voice.
“You don’t belong here. This is your fault. Men like you are why these fundraisers are even needed.”
It was a lie that the Devil was feeding me, playing tapes of my past to shame me. But instead of calling on the Holy Spirit to protect my heart and mind, I gave in to the lie. I let if fill up my mind and then it just shut me down.
What does spiritual warfare feel like? For me, it’s like the enemy snuck into my brain and literally turned off the light switch. All of the joy, goodness, love and light of God was replaced by the darkness of the lie the enemy wants me to see and believe.
And that’s what happened to me Saturday. In a moment, that switch was flipped. The light became darkness in an instant. I bought into the lie that I didn’t belong in that room. The enemy had me and was controlling me. I was anxious, becoming irritable and angry, and taking it out on Amy. In fact, she very lovingly offered to “smack the enemy right out of me” if I would like. I should have taken her up on that offer.
As we were trying to find a friend of mine at the end of the night, I was getting frustrated because there wasn’t a good opportunity to say hello. The enemy’s voice in my head was getting louder and louder and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I gave up, turned for the exit and left the hotel like a coward. The enemy had to be smiling. I was running scared and gave him a victory that night.
It was a long car ride home. But God convicted almost instantly, and I realized right there on the highway that I fell short of His glory that night. But once I apologized to God in my heart, and to Amy in the car, the light slowly started to fill me up again. God’s grace is so good.
On Sunday morning, we woke up early and headed for church. Just walking into the building to be with brothers and sisters in Christ lifted my spirits up. The first person I ran into, a man who has been a follower of Christ a lot longer than me, could sense I was hurting, and he immediately prayed for me. “Don’t listen to the lie but look at the reason why you were in that room last night. God created a miracle in you and changed you. Don’t ever forget.”
Just what my soul needed that morning.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT
We served in the kids’ daycare area for the first service. That quote from Romans was on the board outside the room. And the video they played for the kids was focused on the importance of changing your thinking. Message received. Go figure, it took a lesson aimed at children to finally get my mind all the way back to God.
At the end of day on Sunday, the friend I tried to see on Saturday night at the fundraiser called me to see what happened. I apologized to her and told her what happened to me the night before.
And she said three simple words to me. “You do belong.”
That is the undeniable truth of my life. I do belong. I am a child of God. The enemy’s lies are just that – lies. God continues to change the way I think and transform my life.