When Your Old Life Collides with New Life

God made it easy for me to turn away from my old life in April 2020– He knew I couldn’t do it on my own. That’s why He took everything that I loved away in the middle of the pandemic. No temptations from the opposite sex, no pornography, no bars, no drinking, no pot, and no sports to watch. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reset my life and I took full advantage.

Amy would always ask me in those initial weeks, “do you think you would still be saved if God didn’t take all of those things away from you?” The honest answer? Probably not. All those sins I mentioned were my escape from the anxiety and depression I faced.

I want to make it clear that I’m not saying sports is bad. Obviously, playing sports has its benefits. And watching sports often brings families and communities together. I plan to watch sports and root for my teams in the years ahead with my sons. But for me, going out to watch sports used to bring out the worst in me. It was an easy doorway to open that led me to all of my worst sins.

Binge drinking.

Anger.

Idolatry.

Sexual sin.

And it’s a door that I know I can’t ever open again. Frankly, I don’t want to open again.

Fast forward to 2022 and the world is coming out of its pandemic cave. That means the enemy is using the temptations of my old life to see if he can break me. Especially when it comes to the sports I worshiped more than life itself, specifically, college basketball. The Kansas Jayhawks hoops team was my idol, my high place.

The last time KU was in the Final Four was 2018. I celebrated by passing out drunk in a bar. Throwing up getting carried to a friend’s car. Getting dropped off a home only to make it to the garage where I promptly passed out in the back seat of my parked car. And then finally stumbling upstairs to the couch with my boys watching me. At the time, I considered it a badge of honor for the experience.  

Everywhere I turned over the past Final Four weekend, there were pictures of celebrating Kansas fans. Flooding the bars. Dancing in the streets. Those old memories came flooding back to me. And my old life is whispering, “are you going to worship your team or are you going to worship your God?”

I started telling myself, “Well, maybe I can go to the bar and watch the game. I just won’t drink or act like a fool again. My old friends are likely there waiting for me to welcome me back and would never try to force a shot on me.”  

But instead of giving in to my temptations of my old life, I let my new life take control. I prayed and asked God for some encouragement. Of course, he did not fail to deliver.

God put this word in my heart.

Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62)

Jesus shed blood and died on the cross for my sins. Do I really want to put myself in a situation that I know will lead me to temptation? Why am I looking back at a life that nearly ruined me? How could I do that after what Jesus did for me?

I need to die on my cross every single day, and deny myself, if I truly want to follow Jesus.

I’m excited to root for the Jayhawks as they play for a national title sitting on my couch, sober minded.

But I’m overjoyed to give praise and worship to God every day. It’s His healing power that created the miracle in my life.

How can I put anything above that?